Category: Personal

I am not trying to be dramatic or “feeling fishing” but (raw) … survive. So not something I have done but something I have not done. I never thought I would make it this far. I assumed I would have ended it by now. Too much pain! But I am still here. Maybe not happy or anything, always a little sad and anxious, but still here!? Another day!

Sometimes I think that God knows and He gives me another day anyway. Not in judgement but in love. He knows!

I think it would be interesting to switch with friends of famous people. They have the benefit of proximity and a relationship with a celebrity while not having the downsides of fame.

So! I would like to switch with Israel Levin. In case you do not know, he was secretary to Soren Kierkegaard (until about 1850). He also proofread all his writings and had a cup of coffee (and chat) with Kierkegaard every day. And, tbh, that is the life!

The honest truth is, I do not manage stress at all. I internalise it and then allow it to build up. I get sick, depressed, and overwhelmed. I withdraw and finally I cry !

So maybe I manage my stress with tears!?

It will be ok. Do not catastrophise everything because in the end it will be okay. And if not, do not give it a second thought. It never turns out as bad as you can make it in your thoughts.

And even if the absolute worst happens, you will be ok. You will get through it. This is not the end.

Tbh, I cannot recall ever taking an online course. Yes, I have done the “are you okay to work for us” stuff but that was just “blah”. I am often doing something else while listening to the material – yes, playing a game on my phone.

I think I might be an autodidact. I do not learn well with others. The limits of a classroom stifle my creativity. My best is to let my mind “wonder”. I have not done well academically.

So there …

Ok, so celebrity is a broad term. I have people (present and past) in whose presence I would rejoice. And I have people (present and past) in whose ideas I would engage.

So presence: St Mary of Egypt, St Olga of Alaska, St Herman of Alaska. And I would simply sit and enjoy their presence. Encounter is the aim. The very person is special to me.

Ideas? Nihilism with Nietzsche, Christianity with Kierkegaard, Anglican Spirituality with Thornton. The experience of the conversation would be the aim. The ideas are special.

So anyway …

I think I answered this, somewhat, yesterday. So I am going philosphical on this one.

Jesus says, “Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments” (Matthew 19:17). The point: good requires an external standard – something against which to measure. (And, in turn, the absence of that standard is “bad”.) So the issue, for me, is the existence of such a standard. Or is standard something that has been created by culture and society? A quote ascribed to Nietzsche says it all for me:

The most dangerous form of blindness is believing that your perspective is the only reality.

So, a very long way to an answer, for me to be a “good person” means to be true to myself. Not in an abstract way but by living authentically. Being honest and humble. And acknowledging the ways that I am not authentic to myself.

[Following on from yesterday, that, of course, can mean I can be an authentic serial killer and still be a “good person”.]

Anyway …