quick update

I know I have not written much in the last week or so. Just have not had the energy to think much. I even find reading hard at the moment. So have been trying to do other things – more creative stuff. (I have been researching frumenty – medieval porridge. I really want to try it!)

I have returned to the approach that helped me through my last depressive episode – two goals a day. So today I have done my two goals so I can relax for the rest of the day. I am not really depressed, more stressed by life. I realise that I live in an extremely stressful context at the moment. But knowing and feeling are two completely different things for me.

So I am still here. I still have two meetings today but they will be ok – I hope!

a rant from the minister

The Evangelical revival in Scotland encouraged both much stricter conditions being placed on admission to Holy Communion and the maintenance of traditional discipline within the established church. … Lesser transgressors could be ordered by the kirk session to stand before the congregation for up to three Sundays, sometimes wearing sackcloth, and publicly acknowledge their sins before ‘being subjected to a “rant” from the minister’.

Nothing like a good rant from the minister!

speaking?

One of the things that I struggle with is the desire to be heard. Yet most of the time, as soon as I start speaking, I am extremely sorry for having said anything. And I end up kicking myself for speaking at all.

Here is some advice from Walter Hilton:

And to sum up: inasmuch as you believe you can bring profit to your fellow Christian – in particular, spiritual profit – you should say what you can, if he will listen; and in all other cases keep silent as much as you can, and in a short time you will not have much of a crowd to bother you. That is how it seems to me.

reading?

One of the major parts of the Medieval anchorite vocation was the space and the time to read. So reading as a vocation!? In a time when books were rare and few people could read, the anchorite went into their anchorhold to read. The books were controlled by their spiritual director. But the advice is simple: if in doubt, read.

So the following from Speculum Inclusorum via Hermits and anchorites in England, 1200–1550.

And so, if your taste for prayer or delight in meditation decreases, immediately seek out some edifying reading, the profit of which exceeds all estimation, since it offers a mirror of all vices and virtues, clearing distractions from the mind, attracting and enticing all virtues to the soul, and also sundering it from all vices, by a kind of assault on the reason, and by the urging of fear, as well as of love. …

And so, you recluses, by edifying reading of this kind, ‘Look to your vocation.’